Freedom In Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom,” they say. Yet, for many, the past lingers like an open wound. “Even though the offense is long over, people think obsessively about what happened. The problem with this is that every time the memory returns, they feel reinjured, as if betrayed in that exact moment,” writes Ronald Potter-Efron.

The discourse on forgiveness is endless—personal stories, research, and philosophical musings all champion its power. Medical studies confirm that holding on to bitterness, resentment, and grudges does more harm to the one who refuses to forgive than to the transgressor. It’s been said that bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Yet, while we celebrate forgiveness in theory, we often resist it in practice. Taking that first step—initiating reconciliation, even when we are the wronged party—demands courage. But doing so is transformative. A single decision to forgive can alter our path, cutting through the noise of endless plans, speculation, and fear that serve only to deepen our distress.

According to the Ministry of Peace, the work of peace is not something that can be accomplished by government institutions alone. As the accumulation of small rocks forms a mountain, the contributions each of us makes to the cause of peace ensures national peace. Peace has many owners; the work of peace requires the participation of many. The big foundation for helping Ethiopia move forward is raising the role of the society in the construction of sustainable peace and national cohesion. When the individual is at peace, the family will be at peace. The peace of the family overflows to the community. When communities are at peace, the country will be peaceful.

This message is striking not only for its recognition of the government’s role in ensuring peace but also for its emphasis on individual responsibility. While policymakers can set the framework for security, our daily choices—how we handle conflicts, grievances, and past wounds—determine whether peace truly takes root.

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We live in a time of near-constant outrage. Retaliation, grievance, and hostility have become ingrained in our interactions. Despite efforts to ease tensions, divisions seem only to deepen. At the heart of much of this discord is an unwillingness to let go—an insistence on reliving past offenses and preparing for future retaliation. In an era of rapid information, where social media fuels outrage and grievances resurface at the swipe of a screen, this cycle of resentment becomes suffocating.

A conversation with an architect recently gave me a new perspective on this. He explained the design philosophy of “less is more.” In architecture, clutter is removed to highlight essential elements—every piece must serve a purpose. This principle extends beyond buildings. Demystification in social sciences, brevity in journalism, and minimalism in design all share a common goal: cutting away the unnecessary to bring clarity.

At home, I’ve tested this approach. Rather than argue with my family about unnecessary clutter, I quietly began removing one useless item at a time. Over time, our living space became more organized—without resistance. What if we applied the same approach to emotional clutter? What if, instead of holding on to past wrongs, we let go of one grievance at a time?

I wondered how long we plan to carry the weight of endless conflicts. Like my architect friend, I decided to experiment. I reached out to someone I had wronged over four years ago. That small act of reconciliation cleared a space in my mind I hadn’t realized was occupied.

Bitterness is a clutter that distorts reality; forgiveness is the antidote that brings clarity, as author Brad Meltzer put it, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.”

It’s time we chose clarity over clutter. It’s time we chose forgiveness.

Contributed Selamawit Kidane